The end of the innocent

I used to be another name. Out of the icecold world of internet I've destroyed that account. People just don't realize that there is actually a person sitting behind the computer. An avatar...just an avatar who you can shout at and ignore without any reason is much easier than to put any effort to get to know the person and to be positive. My opinion has always been you could question yourself would you do that in reallife to? To your friends, your classmates, your colleagues, your boss? Someone insignificant for you like someone who work in a grocery store you see every week and you kindly ask where the cookies are found? Would you be insulting or ignore them all the way and rather search yourself towards infinity? What if you would accidently met the artist person? What if you had the chance to talk? Internet is inpersonal on that part. Why? Because you can't see faces and we forget we talk to HUMANS, instead of computers. And I found out art on internet is mostly just a way to be found interesting, to belong somewhere to a group, to get a status and to be famous and the best, whatever that means. Everybody denies it, and many artists feel that pain while realistic technical drawn celebs prevail over great art with artistic range, originallity, passion and soul.

The boundries of art is so much more then that. It is just one of the many cornerstones to explore any kind. A shard of our own likes and personallity thrown into a great expression, yet most are too shy to share. I always fought for that idea. It got me to many people who acknowledge what I called out loud. And yet, I didn't get along with alot, telling them directly what the problem was in order to help. But eventually it either turned simply in one permanent ignore without the descent chance to explain yourselves or just listening to masters only on what they do, but not how they create; why they create. Cause the key lies within yourself. Everyone is unique and it is called individuallity of life. That comes with individual ways to get your masterpiece down: art is personal; no tutorial can make that work it 100% for you, unless you have the exact same style, way of doing and goal.

I was ignored, used for taking down arttheft and almost nobody cared what I think and thought in my efforts to help when asked and most just hang on the lips of masterartists or to hide under a false kind of modesty; they knew it was good, but still asked "constructive critisism", while no advice was really taken. Draw, not think, but draw, not create from the inside and want to get your drawings to a top-level within a few trainings. And when you got there with THE technique, most were too arrogant to think their art was the best way, beïng a spotlight with technical great randering and tutorials, but ignorent and snobbish to newcommers and artists from other spectras of art; not displaying any kind of artistic reach in their faves besides their own way of art; not open, shortminded and not hesitating calling themselves artists. Nobody says it, but the mood is felt everywhere. I've talked alot about it and I found out it definitly wasn't me and me only who felt it. And dispite I was ignored by alooooooooot of artist because of that, the ones that did believed in me, controversially, were the masterartist who many bow for. They believed I got the right spirit; lacking technique yet, but the right mindset. I've talked alot to them and found out I had alot in common.

Despite of that I left...left because of the hard comments, internet fights against thievery, the snobbism, the ignorance, nearly nobody followed what I did, though they all say I was so great and all. I might as well drop my few friends a mail; I would be quicker done. At some point I was so fed up with it, I just destroyed everything! My friends were telling me that I should not have done that, cause they would miss my work. I didn't believe they would miss it that bad and I've told I might just mail them instead if they were TRUELY interested in my work.

Over time I regret the decision; not because of stories I told fromout my own art and taking down my own work from here. And not because DA has this great way to make EZ money with that pseudo-feeling they give you they actually care about every individual artist. And not because of my friends too and because I want to share and talk to them (I can contact them anyway)... I still doubt I'll ever post it here, but I lost 74 pages full of faves. Most of them I can remember. I had great artist(cyber)friends. I recall their names and icons, but I was afraid to lose that for the less familiar artists, which always have that just one-of-a-kind art. When you would browse back you would not remember who was it again and you hardly can search it back. Besides that I'm fed up using DA's searcher all the time. All the faves I made were gone and thus the review, the enjoyment just looking over from time to time was GONE!

I was told once I missed out the personal enjoyment and I'm afraid that artist was right. My last account was destroyed...my reasons why I was on forums and DA: to share art, to view art, to talk art and to do art. Have a great time, make some friends to share my passion with... I have returned, but the drive to share my art is gone and to have a great time I figured out I never really had, is gone. I understand now how I should behave and that is fine, as long as it stays within my personal integrity. My reason here for now is to fave again that I had destroyed the last time. To review again what I love so much to see. To see art, to feel it. The bladibla around it is bullshit...That is why I've returned.